This paper explores the transformative journey of stepping out of one's comfort zone, utilizing autoethnography to connect personal childhood experiences with the broader framework of Affect Theory. The narrative focuses on overcoming self-perception challenges, particularly those stemming from being labelled the "fat kid" in childhood, and extends into adulthood where these experiences influence personal growth and creative thinking as a designer. The study employs Affect Theory to understand emotional responses and bodily sensations, examining affective triggers and shifts. It also delves into the interplay of physical environments, coping mechanisms, and the concept of 'othering'. This exploration also sheds light on the individual experience and has broader design implications for creating inclusive spaces and nurturing early childhood considerations of well-being and empathy.

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     In the realm of personal growth, stepping out of one's comfort zone is often heralded as a path to self-discovery and development. Comfort zones and zones of discomfort govern most of your decision-making as these states are very much built into our survival mechanism and my journey marked by the struggle of overcoming childhood insecurities and societal prejudices, serves as a testament to this belief. Growing up as the "fat kid," I internalized a sense of otherness that significantly shaped my self-perception. The societal normativity surrounding body image led to self-imposed isolation, creating a comfort zone rooted in avoidance and self-doubt. This early experience formed the cornerstone of my exploration. It was not about the external fat-shaming but the internalized fear and discomfort that stemmed from societal standards. This exploration was not just an academic exercise but a journey into the depths of my past and its lingering impact on my present self.

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     My venture into autoethnography began in an ethnography class, where I decided to confront my comfort zones and areas of discomfort. I had carefully planned excursions to tackle several tasks that resided within what I considered my zones of discomfort and a pivotal moment in my journey unfolded in a seemingly mundane setting – a bar room. This experience was a microcosm of stepping into the unknown, challenging my social anxiety, and reshaping my narrative. The bar room, typically a space of casual socialization, represented a significant challenge for me. Stepping into this environment, I was immediately engulfed in a cacophony of conversations, laughter, and the clinking of glasses. It was an atmosphere that, in the past, has triggered my insecurities and desire to retreat. Yet, this time, I was determined to confront these feelings. I recall the palpable sense of anxiety as I navigated through the crowd, feeling the weight of gazes and imagined judgments. However, as the evening progressed, I found myself engaging in small talk, something I had always dreaded. These interactions, though initially superficial, gradually became more uncomfortable. The bar room, once a symbol of my discomfort, transformed into a space where I could challenge and overcome my social anxieties. Amid the bar room's bustling ambience, I found myself conversing with a stranger, an encounter that unexpectedly steered towards the topic of our respective homelands. The stranger, a local, spoke with a mix of curiosity and subtle preconceptions about my home country. I felt an overwhelming pressure to connect, to be accepted in this foreign social landscape. As the conversation unfolded, I noticed a disconcerting shift in my responses. Eager to impress and fueled by the anxiety of fitting in, I found myself echoing the stranger's views, even when they bordered on stereotypes or misconceptions about my home country. It was a moment of internal conflict; my desire for social acceptance in the current setting was, in a way, overpowering my sense of cultural identity. This conversation took an even more complex turn when I began to extol the virtues of the foreign land, at times at the expense of my own country. It was a peculiar form of self-othering, driven by a deep-seated urge to assimilate, to find common ground, even if it meant undermining my heritage.

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     Reflecting on this experience through the lens of Affect Theory, it became evident how the physical and social environment of the bar, combined with the innate desire for social connection, influenced my emotional and behavioral responses. The immediate physical proximity to the stranger, coupled with the overarching indigenous cultural milieu of the bar, intensified my feelings of being an 'outsider.' This affective state propelled me to seek commonality at the cost of my authentic expression.

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"The immediate physical proximity to the stranger, coupled with the overarching indigenous cultural milieu of the bar, intensified my feelings of being an 'outsider.' This affective state propelled me to seek commonality at the cost of my authentic expression."

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     Sara Ahmed's perspective on emotions being shaped by our interactions with the world gains profound relevance here. My emotional response to the situation - the eagerness to connect and be accepted - was not just an internal process but was significantly moulded by the social and cultural dynamics at play. This incident raises critical questions about identity, cultural representation, and the affective underpinnings of social interactions, especially in a multicultural context. It underscores how our emotional and affective responses can sometimes lead us to negotiate, and even compromise, our cultural identity in the quest for social acceptance. Similarly, Brian Massumi in "Parables for the Virtual: Movement, Affect, Sensation" highlights, “Affect is autonomous to the degree to which it escapes confinement in the particular body whose vitality, or potential for interaction, it is.” My reaction in the bar room, a blend of anxiety and eagerness to assimilate, was not merely a reflection of my insecurities but a manifestation of the broader dynamics of cultural interaction and identity negotiation.

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     Throughout my autoethnographic journey, this theme of cultural identity versus the need for acceptance resurfaced in various contexts, whether it was adapting to new professional environments or engaging in creative processes as a designer. Each experience, much like the bar room episode, was a negotiation of self, concerning the affective influences of my environment and the people around me. These interactions, while challenging, were pivotal in shaping my understanding of self, culture, and the complex interplay of emotions and identity in multicultural settings.

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"Throughout my autoethnographic journey, this theme of cultural identity versus the need for acceptance resurfaced in various contexts, whether it was adapting to new professional environments or engaging in creative processes as a designer."

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     Incorporating the various episodes into the broader themes of coping, adaptation, preparation versus reality, and the desire to re-engage with challenging situations, I recognize a pattern in my journey of personal and emotional development. The experience in the bar room, where I grappled with cultural identity and social acceptance, serves as a microcosm of these larger themes. Initially, my coping mechanism involved aligning with the perspectives and norms of a new culture to ease the discomfort of cultural displacement. However, this strategy also highlighted the need for more authentic coping methods. This incident spurred a shift in my approach to social interactions, guiding me toward a balance between maintaining my cultural integrity and engaging with diverse viewpoints.

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     My preparation for social interactions in local settings, informed by preconceived notions of acceptance and assimilation, starkly contrasted with the reality of these encounters. A variety of planned experiences underscored this disparity. I had anticipated a need to conform to fit in, but the reality of sacrificing my preconceived ideas about self and culture was far more jarring and complex than I had envisioned. This discrepancy between expectation and experience became a recurring theme, prompting continuous reassessment and realignment of my approach to such interactions. 

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     Despite the initial discomfort and the internal conflict it generated, there was an unexpected outcome: a burgeoning desire to re-engage with similar situations. This inclination was not born from a newfound comfort but from a recognition of the growth and learning these challenging experiences offered. Each instance of stepping out of my comfort zone, like the bar room encounter, became a valuable opportunity for personal development and a deeper understanding of my cultural identity within a global context.

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     Drawing again on Affect Theory, particularly on the concept that our emotional responses are shaped by our interactions and environments. As Brian Massumi notes, “The autonomy of affect is its participation in the virtual. Its autonomy is its openness” ("Parables for the Virtual: Movement, Affect, Sensation"). This openness was evident in my evolving response to challenging social situations – from initial anxiety to a willingness to confront and learn from these encounters.

Being a design practitioner engaging in ethnographic practices put me in an unavoidable situation where I found myself delving deeper into the connection between design, autoethnography, my personal experiences, and their implications for design, I uncovered a variety of insights that are particularly relevant in the field of design.

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     My journey in stepping out of my comfort zone offered unique insights into the human experience. In design, understanding the user's perspective is crucial, and autoethnography provides a lens to deeply understand these perspectives, especially when they are as personal as one's own. My experiences of cultural dissonance, adaptation, and the desire for social acceptance reveal aspects of human behavior and emotion, which are essential in empathetic and user-centered design. The experiences I faced, individually and subjectively reflect microcosms of cultural and emotional complexities, highlighting the need for designs that are sensitive to diverse cultural backgrounds and emotional states. I realised during my journey that space manifests as an interaction between living entities and tangible (hard arrangements) entities as well as intangible ideas (soft arrangements), encompassing psychological (emotional), physiological, cultural, geographical, religious, creative, material/creature aspects alongside virtual zones of comfort or discomfort. It portrays a complex interplay among all these elements, proving to be zones of comfort for some and discomfort for others, depending on their lived experiences. As a designer, it prompts me to consider how spaces and products can be inclusive, accommodating varying cultural identities and emotional needs. It suggests a design approach that goes beyond aesthetics or functionality, delving into creating environments that foster comfort, acceptance, and a sense of belonging for diverse individuals and understanding the importance of social dynamics in design. This observation leads to the consideration of how design can facilitate positive social interactions and mitigate discomfort or anxiety in social settings. It could be in the form of designing more inclusive and inviting public spaces or creating digital platforms that encourage empathetic and respectful exchanges.

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"I realised during my journey that space manifests as an interaction between living entities and tangible (hard arrangements) entities as well as intangible ideas (soft arrangements), encompassing psychological (emotional), physiological, cultural, geographical, religious, creative, material/creature aspects alongside virtual zones of comfort or discomfort. "

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     Reflecting on my journey also has implications for design education. It highlights the significance of teaching future designers or leaders not just about technical skills and aesthetics but also about cultural sensitivity, emotional intelligence, and the ability to understand and design for diverse human experiences. This approach can equip creators to create more meaningful, empathetic, and socially responsible designs. Moreover, it underscores the importance of nurturing empathy and consideration in early childhood education, laying the groundwork for a more inclusive and understanding society.

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     Last but not least Affect Theory played a crucial role in understanding the emotional and bodily responses I had to different environments and situations. As designers, understanding these affective responses is key to creating spaces and products that resonate on a deeper emotional level with users. I encourage designers to consider how a space or product can evoke desired emotions, cater to comfort, and respond to the subtle nuances of human affect.

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References

 

Ahmed, Sara. The Cultural Politics of Emotion. Routledge eBooks, 2013. https://doi.org/10.4324/9780203700372.

 

“Parables for the Virtual: Movement, Affect, Sensation.” Choice Reviews Online 40, no. 04 (December 1, 2002): 40–1946. https://doi.org/10.5860/choice.40-1946.